Beautiful.

We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.

Please remember me, happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin, the time when
We counted every black car passing

Your house beneath the hill and up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention

But please remember me, fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates
Had some eloquent graffiti

Like 'We'll meet again' and 'Fuck the man'
And 'Tell my mother not to worry'
And angels with their great handshakes
But always done in such a hurry

And please remember me, at Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white, by midnight
We'd forgotten one another

And when the morning came I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world and then returned
And now you're lit up by the city

So please remember me, mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower
Call, then pass us by but much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour

Gleam and resonate just like the gates
Around the Holy Kingdom
With words like, 'Lost and found' and 'Don't look down'
And 'Someone save temptation'

And please remember me as in the dream
We had as rug burned babies
Among the fallen trees and fast asleep
Beside the lions and the ladies

That called you what you like and even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see a trapeze
Swinger high as any savior

But please remember me, my misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains
The colored birds above their running

In circles round the well and where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter
So bright on cinder gray in spray paint
'Who the hell can see forever?'

And please remember me, seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees, you turn from me
And said the trapeze act was wonderful

But never meant to last, the clowns that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot
Had an element of danger

So please remember me, finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear, but if I make the Pearly Gates
I'll do my best to make a drawing

Of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl
An angel kissin' on a sinner
A monkey and a man, a marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swinger

Here I am a rabbit hearted girl.

I think what angered me more than the claim that I don't have my own mind because I am part of a unit, is that you brought that into my house. That memory. A memory I competed with, while I was warm and present, I competed for so long with a mere memory of something that used to be. You handed it back to him, talking about your own experiences, and yes he'd been there, he had. Hadn't we all? And you sat in my chair at my table next to my grill in front of my dog and my weeds and you inspired his mouth to open and words to escape his lips that I never wanted to hear again. Yeah, i've been that heart broken too. I've been there. Surely no one has ever taken him there or anywhere near it but me. It is a fool's wish, but I make plenty of those. He has no way to relate in a conversation about heart ache using my name, but I have plenty to say on the subject using his. I wanted to scream, I was there I was there and you just let me be!, but I didn't. No, I told him it wasn't worth it, because now I have you. It's not better, it's not better. You've been there too, over him. What does he know? He was a catalyst, I say, it was your fault! It was always your fault. It was always mine. We were instant, but not instantly so, and I don't think you remember but I do, quite perfectly. So no it's not ok to save your friend while drowning me in the past. It's never been.