I think what angered me more than the claim that I don't have my own mind because I am part of a unit, is that you brought that into my house. That memory. A memory I competed with, while I was warm and present, I competed for so long with a mere memory of something that used to be. You handed it back to him, talking about your own experiences, and yes he'd been there, he had. Hadn't we all? And you sat in my chair at my table next to my grill in front of my dog and my weeds and you inspired his mouth to open and words to escape his lips that I never wanted to hear again. Yeah, i've been that heart broken too. I've been there. Surely no one has ever taken him there or anywhere near it but me. It is a fool's wish, but I make plenty of those. He has no way to relate in a conversation about heart ache using my name, but I have plenty to say on the subject using his. I wanted to scream, I was there I was there and you just let me be!, but I didn't. No, I told him it wasn't worth it, because now I have you. It's not better, it's not better. You've been there too, over him. What does he know? He was a catalyst, I say, it was your fault! It was always your fault. It was always mine. We were instant, but not instantly so, and I don't think you remember but I do, quite perfectly. So no it's not ok to save your friend while drowning me in the past. It's never been.
