Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
I've always had some form of this. Now it is mild. It mostly has to do with things I think are dirty, particularly feet. It centers a lot around my sleeping area. If anything touches it that I feel is even slightly "dirty" by my standards I will freak out. I wash my feet every night before bed, and Matt has to as well. Everyone has quirks, and this is what my grandmother called them when I was younger, but it borders on obsessive. It IS obsessive. Feet don't have to actually be dirty or look dirty in order to be considered dirty to me. Just wash them. If my expectations in this area aren't met I can't rest until they are or I feel like I might as well be sleeping in dirt. I won't use hotel blankets at even the nicest of hotels because of the notion that someone else, a stranger, has touched them. I hate my own couch, because it came from someone else and someone else before that. I obsess over hand washing. Even with all of this, I feel like I have it mostly under control. When I was younger, maybe around nine? Going to bed took over an hour. I had to open and shut drawers a certain number of times. I had to close the door a certain number of times. I had to arrange everything. I believe my magic number was 4. I felt that if I didn't do these things bad things would happen. People would die. I would die. I wonder what causes this, as the possibilities don't seem to be narrowed down at all when it comes to this disorder.
