I am here. I am present.

To you I still feel I must try to express, I love him and not him. You know my heart is wild, but it is tamed somehow, warm and not wanting for a future that differs from the path it seems to be on. It wants nothing more than these things it fears, but nothing more and nothing less than this person. It is calm and placed perfectly. I don’t make eye contact with what is yours for fear of hurting, harming, misleading. These glances are no longer stolen and to be sure that this is not misunderstood I think, why not have there be no glances at all? A glance is just a glance until it isn’t. Maybe it is rude and maybe one day it should change. When time has had even more time with which to heal past wounds. I know that these things lose their importance but when you have something you never want to lose, I know they can still sting you in those silent moments when you’re by yourself and the world is quiet and soft, seemingly unable to harm you, but you know better don’t you? Why did we start this way? I ask love that one. I ask how you could hurt me then and love me now? I can’t speak for you, I can’t assume that at times your heart asks that question of your love too, but I do. It is safe now. Yet I still feel the need to make that known. I still feel protective of other human heartbeats. I want to show yours that I am not an enemy, that I never intended to be, that me being near is not intended to feel threatening. I am warm, see? See me now? Not as you saw me then. I wasn’t me. I am overly apologetic. I am in love. I want to hold this other part of me and assure it that it is safe in my hands. People have come and gone but I want you always. Is that enough? We can’t know. Steady now darling, fear is mandatory, but I am here in this world for you. For you.